The Three Musketeers (1993)

Date Reviewed: 9-5-2003

Critical Kobold Rating:    (4 out of 5 Tasty Fish)

 

The Three Musketeers!... And, uh, One Other Guy!!

     In this version of the classic Dumas story, Chris O’Donnell is D’Artagnan, a young brash fellow who rides to Paris to become a musketeer, like his father was before he was falsely accused of treason. The musketeers were the French king’s elite guardsmen, and D’Artagnan is eager to join their illustrious ranks and clear his family name.

     However, when he arrives, he finds that the musketeers have been disbanded, by order of Cardinal Richelieu. The few musketeers who remain are despondent, drunk, and irritated. In the course of an afternoon, D’Artagnan, in three separate and impressively naive displays of bravado, ends up challenging three of the most skilled swordsmen in the city to duels of honor, without realizing that they’re musketeers. When all four of our protagonists arrive at the same time to duel, they’re interrupted by the Cardinal’s guards, who have orders to arrest any musketeer they find in public. D’Artagnan fights alongside the three veterans, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos, kicking the guards’ butts in comedic and suave style.

     Despite fighting the good fight, D’Artagnan is captured by the guards while the other three manage to escape. While imprisoned, he discovers the gist of the Cardinal’s nefarious plot, which entails political maneuvering on a grand scale, and high treason. Just before D'Artgnan's execution the next day, he’s rescued by his three new comrades, and from this point on, Aramis, Porthos, and Athos accept D’Artagnan as one of their own kindred in spirit.

     The four eventually discover the rest of the Cardinal’s plan, and why his holiness was so eager to disband the king’s elite guards. You see, he’s plotting to overthrow the very young French king, seize control of France for himself, and solidify his power by forging an alliance with Great Britain. Oh, and he wants the hottie princess for himself. Spoils for the victor, and all, eh?  The musketeers are still loyal to their king, even when unemployed, and so they go undercover to root out the participants in the plan and thwart it. (I think that’s a cool job description. I’m going to start putting that on resumes: “In my previous position, I oversaw the thwarting of plots.”)

     The Cardinal naturally has an evil henchman, named Rochefort (you know he's evil, because he wears an eyepatch and has a thin moustache.) Rochefort hires an assassin sniper to pick off the king during a public appearance. (Bet you didn't even know that someone could snipe with a musket, didya?)  The musketeers manage to foil the assassination, but are quickly  surrounded in the palace courtyard by Rochefort and his guards. Things look grim indeed... but wait! Suddenly our heroes  are joined by the rest of their multitudinous musketeer brethren, who want some payback for being disbanded and outlawed by the Cardinal. While the battle between the guards and the entire force of musketeers rages on outside, the movie's namesakes storm the palace to deal with the villains behind the whole scheme, and protect the king.   

     Most of you reading this assuredly know the story of the Three Musketeers, and it’s been done in many screen versions before this one. I’ve seen at least four film versions myself, and while any of them are good viewing, this one just happens to be my favorite. It strays a bit from the original Alexandre Dumas storyline, yes, including tweaking French history a tad and altering the backgrounds, relationships, and motivations of some of the characters, but the story as told here is still solid, and the action is a damn fine example of swashbuckling at its best. The fights are frequent, and the action is well-staged. The movie keeps a light tone, even given that some of the surprise twists genuinely affect the characters. This is a well-done adventure romp, with an eye towards flashing blades and witty dialog. All this is done without seeming cheesy or crappy, which is quite an achievement.

     The four protagonists are portrayed fantastically by what I would normally consider an odd choice of casting: Charlie Sheen is Aramis, Keifer Sutherland is Athos, and Porthos is given vibrant, rebellious and lascivious life by one of my favorite bit actors, Oliver Platt.

     On a side note, Chris O'Donnell received a Golden Raspberry Award for 'Worst Supporting Actor' for his role in this film, but I think that's harsh. I wasn't bothered by his acting or his character. Oh, well. Maybe I'm just lenient with my taste in fun films.

     As a devious and mysterious participant in the whole affair, we also have the babelicious Ms. Rebecca DeMornay as the Countess D’Winter. Mmmmmm. Nice to look at, but don't turn yer back on her, man.

Oh, I'm naw-ty!

    Putting in another top-notch performance as a bad guy, Tim Curry is the evil Cardinal Richelieu, who manages to be charming, scary, lecherous, and intelligent all at the same time. (For another example of his evilness, see Mr. Curry as the demon lord in Legend.)

     To balance out Curry’s coolness, though, we also have the young French king, who looks like the absolute gayest monarch I’ve ever seen. I mean, I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but he wears a lot of lace, he’s got a pasty, pointy-nosed face, and sports the worst haircut in the Renaissance. Seriously, guys, he’s the king for gawd’s sake; get him some fashion advisors!

     Anyway, this is a great movie for late night or weekend viewing. I’ve seen it repeatedly, and I’ll still watch it again whenever I happen to catch it on cable.  Like LadyHawke, it may not be high art, but it’s energetic storytelling. It’s not possible for me to sit through this flick and not have the urge to play a rousing game of D&D, or even something like Savage Worlds Pirates of the Spanish Main. I highly recommend this one for your role- playing- based DVD collection.

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