The Party Went to the Dungeon

by Chris Cecil

(To the tune of “The Devil Went Down to Georgia”, with apologies to the Charlie Daniels Band)

Our party went to the dungeon
We were lookin’ for some gold to steal
We were in a bind ‘cuz we were way behind
On our bar tab and costs for “Heal”.

Well, we came across this orc horde;
They spied our elves and things got hot.
Then our dwarf fell through a pit trap
And our whole battle plan was shot.

Well, how could we have known that
Every room was gonna be trapped?
One “Find Traps” roll we thought was good,
Until the thief went splat.

Now we were lost in a dungeon deep,
And we ducked into a crypt.
It seemed like everything was cool,
And then things hit a glitch.

Our gnome said, “Now don’t freak out,
But you might wanna know
The secret door we came through
Was one-way, and we let it close.”

Wizards please warm up your spells,
And fighters move up fast!
‘Cause hell’s broke loose on Level Five
We got mummies, wights and ghasts.
And if we win we get a pillaged storeroom full of gold,
But if we lose, the undead steal our souls!

Our cleric waved her symbol high,
And said “I’ll start this show,”
And fire singed our eyebrows off
As her Flame Strike hit our foes.

Our ranger found a back way out,
And we booked it up some stairs.
Then we stepped into a dark cavern;
And found a sleeping dragon there.

(Bitchin’ fiddle solo here)

With that Great Wyrm snoozing, druid said,
“Let’s pack it in and run.
‘Cause we’re low on spells and two fighters fell,
and without our bard we’re done.”

Fireball the monsters, run boys run!
Takin’ all their treasure sure is fun.
Makin’ our living taking their dough
Just so we can be high-level heroes!

Our party turned and ran like hell, we beat a hasty retreat.
Some healing spells, some mugs of ale; we’d be back within a week.
We all said, “Warlocks next time, or vampire lords,
Or whatever comes to pass.
Which enemy, we don’t care much,
We’ll still be kicking ass!”

And we sang:
Beatin’ up on monsters, takin’ their stuff
This adventuring life, it sure is rough.
Slingin’ our spells and swingin’ our swords.
But all that XP is its own reward.