One Night of Gaming

by Chris Cecil

(To the tune of "One Night in Bangkok" by Murray Head)

Game Day! D&D setting
and the players don’t know what adventure they’re getting.
High level PCs in the game world
in a group with everything but gnome fighters.

Time flies - doesn't seem a minute
Since the pit trap was sprung when the henchman stepped in it.
All run! Don't you know that when you
Play at this level there's no low hit die villains.
It's balrogs...cerebral vampires... or mind flayers... or... what’s THAT thing?!

One night of gaming and the dice are rolling.
Sack ruined temples and a lair or three.
We’ll stuff our bags with every golden coin there
And if we’re lucky we’ll rack up XP.
I can feel the DM smile behind his screen.

One foe’s very like another
When their head's removed by my broadsword, brother.
Use a mace, use a staff, just get in on the big fray
Got Heal potions on standby, gulp ‘em down after melee.

Whaddya mean? We’ve seen more ruined, abandoned, dungeon sites...
Trolls, orcs, gnolls; real weak.
We face monsters that would make other heroes freak.

Toss dice! You're talking to a player
Whose every game's got epic flavor.
I get my PCs above tenth level, sunshine.

One night of gaming makes an arch mage humble;
Not much between despair and ecstasy.
One missed Saving Throw and characters tumble;
Can't be too dexterous with plate mail AC.
I can hear the DM snickering at me.

Tonight’s gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of adventuring fitness.
This grips me more than would a
moldy old chess set or some collectible card game.

And thank God I'm only playing the game, one elf in it.
I don't see you guys rating the dungeon delve the ref’s contemplating.
We’d let you watch, we would invite you
The carnage we cause just might excite you.
So you better go pack up your wands, your priest scrolls, your thieves’ picks and tools.

One night of gaming and half the group is toasted.
(I guess we shouldn’t have split the party…)
We’ll need a miracle to get out alive.
Too bad the cleric’s pushing up daisies.
I can hear the DM laughing heartily.

One night of gaming makes a player humble
Not much between a “1” and a “20”.
One night campaigning and the tough guys tumble.
Can’t believe you fumbled with your sword, +3.
I can feel the DM grinning evilly.