Moronic

by Chris Cecil

(from the tune to “Ironic”, by Alanis Morissette)

This player rolled ninety-eight
Failed his resurrection; his PC died at that game.
We’ve had no thief in our group since that day
It's a saving throw “twenty” two tosses too late.
And isn't it moronic...dontcha think?

It's like rain on your Fireball spell
It's no escape route when your plan’s gone to hell
It's DM advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought...it figures.

Our gaming group’s mage was eager to fly
He grabbed his backpack, launched into the sky
He waited the whole damn game to take that flight
As the dragon swooped down, he thought,
"Well, doesn’t this bite..."
And isn't it moronic...dontcha think?

It's like spilled Kool-Aid on your character sheet
It's the junk food that you feel you must eat
It's the game session that you just didn't make
When they got all that gold...it figures

Monsters have a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
Your pals have a funny way of helping you out when
You know everything’s been killed and there’s no danger left in the place.

A spike pit trap when you need to escape
A dumb wooden door that you just can’t break.
It's like ten thousand orcs when all you have is a knife.
It's rolling the PC of your dreams
And then misplacing your beautiful dice.
And isn't it moronic...dontcha think
A little too moronic...and yeah I really do think.

It's like gnomes on your basketball team
It's a halfling who insults each monster you meet.
It's critical hits that you just didn't make
And who would've thought...it figures

And yeah, thieves have a funny way of sneaking up on you.
We have a funny, funny way of gaming all day.
Gaming all day.