Cave Down Under

by Chris Cecil

(To the tune of "Down Under", with apologies to Men At Work)

Traveling with a decked-out party
In a goblin lair, headstrong and hearty.
We met a gnoll shaman, he made us nervous.
He Created Spam and made us breakfast.

And he said,
"Do you come to plunder dungeons?
Where fungus grows and there is lichen?
Can't you hear, can't you hear hobgoblins?
You better run, your gnome should take cover."

Not much later we met an ogre
He was six foot four and full of muscles.
I said, "Do you speak-a elf language?"
He just smiled and gave a bitch-slap to our archmage.

And he growled,
"I come from a cave down under
Where duergar live and kobolds plunder.
What’d you think, did you think that you’d scare me?
Next to mind flayers, you all are pansies."

We’re back at a pub in the town
Spattered with gore; that’s one orc tribe down.
I said to the keep, "Are you going to serve me?
Because I come with gold, and I would like mead."

And he said,
"Oh! Did you come from a cavern out there?
‘Cause you got troll guts in your hair.”
Don’t ya know, this adventuring is fun.
So tomorrow, another dungeon!