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In 1995, our webmistress
Kris and
I made our first pilgrimage to
Gen Con in Milwaukee, Wisconsin (“Land of Cheese and Porn”). This 10-hour
car trip was made most interesting by the fact that we attempted to stay
for the night in Indiana. Of course, at the time, we had no idea that
Indiana has no hotels.
Well, we did indeed see two or three motels near the Ohio
border, and a couple near the Michigan border, but no more than that. The
entire way across the state. And all of them that we did see were full.
Now, it’s not like we were traveling the back roads on
unpaved buggy paths. We were on the freakin’ turnpike. I kid you not when
I say we drove for 2 hours looking for a place to stay. Clearly, Indiana
was playing some sort of practical joke on us. How could an entire state
not think to place hotels along its interstate highways? It must have been
intentional, we thought. After all, we come from a state that has
Breezewood, “The Town of Motels.” You see, Pennsylvania has
whole friggin’
towns just full of motels for our visitors.
Close to midnight (we’d been hunting for a place to stay for
about 3+ hours by this point), we were forced to flee across the border
into neighboring Michigan to seek
shelter. [Don’t even get me started on
Michigan... that’s a whole other horror tale...] But that night, in the
very last vacant room within a 300 mile radius, Kris and I analyzed the
absurdity of our plight in detail, and concluded that:
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Indiana is a ridiculous state.
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Only Indiana would design a mass transit roadway with no
place to stay overnight in the entire state, and...
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Indiana sucks.
And I won’t even get into the trip BACK through Indiana.
You wouldn’t believe it if I tried to describe it.
So in an effort to assist the Indiana Visitors’ Bureau, we
present:
The Top Ten Proposed State Slogans
for Indiana
| 10. |
“Indiana:
Land of Insomniacs” |
| 9. |
“Indiana:
Where Sleeping is for Pussies.” |
| 8. |
“Indiana... The Drive Will Do You Good.” |
| 7. |
“Indiana:
Hope You Weren’t Planning on Staying Long!” |
| 6. |
“Welcome
to Indiana. We Hate You.” |
| 5. |
“See
Lovely Indiana! Nonstop.” |
| 4. |
“Indiana:
The Gateway to Exhaustion” |
| 3. |
“Keep On
Truckin’! (You Have No Choice)” |
| 2. |
“Hotels
Shmotels!” |
| 1. |
“Welcome
to Indiana! Now Get the Hell Out!” |
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